These custom quotes can be added to any card or bookmark. You may also provide your own personal quote. 

• Don’t get mad about getting older. You think gouda gets mad about getting older? No. It just gets more expensive at Trader Joe’s. Be like gouda and know your worth.

  I’ve reached that age where my brain goes from ‘you probably shouldn’t say that’ to ‘what the hell, let’s see what happens’.

  The older I get, the more I understand why witches from fairy tales moved out to the middle of the woods and put an ancient curse on anyone who disturbed them.

  Funny thing about getting older, your eyesight starts getting weaker, but your ability to see through people’s bullshit gets much better.

  Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. -CS Lewis

  What’s it called when you wake up hungover but you didn’t drink a drop? Your 40s. It’s called your 40s.

  We should start referring to ‘age’ as ‘levels’. Because “I’m at level [48]” sounds more badass than just being an old person.

  I’m not saying you’re old. I’m just saying that your dinner time and bed time are getting dangerously close to each other.

  No, you can’t do snapchat, TikTok, or twerk. But you can read and write in cursive, do math without a calculator, drive a stick, and tell time on a clock with hands.

  I know a woman is supposed to be afraid of getting older, but I love this shit so much. Every year I sink deeper into this bath of unapologetic realness and it’s amazing.

  You’re “ I can’t tell if I forgot to wash my eye makeup off or it’s just the dark circles under my eyes” years old. Congratulations.

  Choking on your own spit is humiliating. People go, “oh my gosh, are you okay?” And you have to respond with, “yes, I just fucked up being alive real bad for a second there.”

  Are you an adult? Yeah, but not like on purpose or anything.

  Do you ever feel like your body’s ‘check engine’ light has been on and you’re still driving like, “nah, it’ll be fine”?

  My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those lines between my eyebrows. Those are my ‘WTF’ lines, and those things run deep.

  Remember when you didn’t need coffee to wake up, melatonin to go to sleep, and buying jeans didn’t make you cry?

  It turns out as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out - you just don’t have the energy to cater anymore.

  Adulthood is wild. One day you get a little sleepy and then you stay that way for the rest of your life.

  Being an adult is so weird! I’m just unsupervised all the time? How unsafe.

  I'm lazy, chubby, and cynical. I love food, naps, and coffee. I hate Mondays, people, and exercise. I never though I would grow up to be Garfield.

  Shoutout to everyone who can still remember their childhood phone number but can’t remember the password they created yesterday. You are my people.

  Just a reminder that mammograming your boobs is now more important than Instagramming your boobs.

  Remember when you were little and you’d fall on the trampoline and everyone would keep jumping so you couldn’t get back up? That’s a little bit how adulthood is.

  You can’t truly refer to yourself as an adult until you catch yourself getting really angry when the grocery store changes their layout.

  Nobody warns you how often you’ll whisper “righty righty, lefty looney” to yourself as an adult.

  Congratulations! You’re now at the age where “picking up a hottie” means buying a rotisserie chicken at Costco.